What do we do when a friend has passed on?

Awkward Hill in Nempnett Thrubwell.

Image via Wikipedia

1981-2004 Joshua Adam BanksI’m not going to lie; this isn’t just a question about memorials towards friends that have passed away, it’s about discussing what you actually feel after this happens. It’s not something i’m accustomed to despite that I’ve had some people in my family and in my past pass on.  Is this something quite normal to feel years on – even if it’s someone you barely know and you’ve met as a teenager?

I especially have this problem; why? because i’m one of the most awkward people you’ll meet; i’m outgoing and i’m unsure how this… would fare in a normal sense of society.  You see, most of my really awesomely good friends are Online; some that i’ve never met in person.  My mother thinks this is a double edged sword – mainly because out of my awkwardness i’ve become anti social and i hate leaving the house somedays.  (More often than you’d like to think too.)

So is it OK to mourn people you don’t even really know?

I’d like to say yes, because a few years ago in 2007 I was tracking down someone i’d met that had a profound impact on me (despite not knowing him that well.) i was what you’d consider the awkward one with a crush on this person, but awesome enough he had like this older brother type outlook with me.  His girlfiend at the time was a little snarky – but she was nice to me – and my friends at the time hated her guts LOL.  (We all had a crush on him, it was a nasty situation that we never managed to recoup THAT well from.)

I found they’d passed away.

It hit me like a brick – and i felt like utter crap because this was something that was not easy – a friend of mine had just lost his father not too long before i found this out.  Granted, it was within right to feel sad that Josh’d passed away – but i guess i dont know i think at the time i took it way too bad.   But i’m sitting here, i knew he’d died – it’s 2011 – and i’m crying like i’m 16 again – I don’t quite understand why this is like this.  I feel remorse more for his death than my own grandmother (mind you, my own grandmother didn’t attempt to commit suicide, but i’m not at liberty to complain about family on here either LOL) – this guy had immense potential to be an awesome person.  Riddled by manic depression (now known as bipolar) and social stigmas and health problems – things i guess just got worse and worse and worse.

I DO know that i’m a wimp – and i hate pain, so when i get angry i’m always telling people i’ll leave or something >.> i’m lame lol.

Yea really the usually quote goes “YOU ALL HATE ME, I GUESS ILL GO EAT WORMS” … and if i’m sad enough, it’ll be the pam’s party mix with worms in it LOL.

So with this i ask – What do we do when we find out our friends pass on?

… especially those across ditches and oceans that we’ve never met in person?


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